Ask Doctor 4Paws

Q. A few days ago my mummy went out leaving me a couple of new chew toys to keep myself busy with while she was gone. I had a really nice time gnawing them each into several pieces, but when she came back she got proper angry and shouted at me. It turned out they were a pair of new shoes, not chew toys. How can I stop this happening in future?

A. This is a really difficult one, something I've struggled with myself. I've made this mistake a good dozen or more times, not just with shoes, sandals and wellington boots, but with at least three coats, a set of mummy's water-proof over-trousers, an earring, a frisbee and a plastic-sheathed iPhone. The best advice I can give is that if you do make a mistake, just look cute and pretend you have no idea what they're going on about.

Q. Is it rude to sneeze in someone's face?

A. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure my mummy and daddy take it as a sign of affection when I sneeze in their faces.

Q. A little while ago I woke up in the middle of the night, went for a wander, and found half a packet of biscuits that my mummy and daddy had forgetfully left in the living room when they went to bed. I had a nice little snack and then went back up to sleep, thinking nothing of it. But then next morning, when they found the empty packet, they started arguing about who'd eaten all the biscuits, with each insisting that they'd only eaten two or three biscuits. I kept quiet, but I think they're starting to suspect that I might be the culprit. Do you think I should own up?

A. No. They can't prove it was you, so your best bet is just to look cute and pretend you have no idea what they're going on about. At the end of the day, no-one can blame you for snaffling some food they'd left lying around.

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