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Yes I Sank Your Fucking Barge

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Yes I Sank Your Fucking Barge is a game of fast and frenetic disputes between neighbouring narrow boat owners on a typical British canal.

Players take it in turns to scout sections of canal in search of the boat whose owner they have argued with before returning at night with home-made Molotov cocktails in an attempt to set the target boat ablaze. But of course, boats can move, and it might not be there when you return!

Equipment

Yes I Sank Your Fucking Barge requires a deck of 46 cards, consisting of:

40 Blank cards
4 Boat cards (one per player)
1 River Police card
1 Boatload Of Paratroopers On Leave From Afghanistan Who've Been Drinking Very Heavily For The Last Several Days card

4 petrol bomb attack tokens

1 scouter token

You can make your own custom deck, but the cards can be easily simulated by a standard deck of cards. Simply remove the aces, queens and jacks, but leave in one Joker and that funny Bridge scoring card thing. In this case:

1-10 = blank
King = boat
Bridge score card = river police
Joker = Boatload Of Paratroopers On Leave From Afghanistan Who've Been Drinking Very Heavily For The Last Several Days

"Copper" pennies can be used for the petrol bomb attack tokens and a "silver" coin for the scouter token.

Setting Up

Shuffle all the cards and lay them face-down in one long line. If your table isn't long enough for this, you can have the line bend back upon itself in a U shape. (You could either rationalise this as being the canal following a contour around a hill, or instead learn to stop being so pedantic about things and plain damn not worry about it).

Hold a vote as to which person is the most likely to cry if they don't get to go first, and give them the first scouter token. (In well adjusted families this is likely to be the youngest player, but frankly with the state of society today, that's not something I feel confident enough to assert as a universal truth). If you feel that a vote on which person is most likely to cry is, in itself, likely to end with someone crying, you can instead simply roll a dice.

Playing the Game

The game is played in alternating rounds, a day round followed by a night round, and then a day round, and so on.

In the day round, the player who currently has the scouter token performs a daytime scout of a section of canal. To do this he selects a contiguous range of one or more cards. These cards are all first moved down a few inches and then turned face-up (unless they are already turned face-up, in which case they're left in place) to reveal what they are. (This reveal is made to all players).

Note: In the course of the game, the blank cards gradually get made permanently face-up. These don't get used in scouting, but can be included in contiguous blocks. i.e. You can select a contiguous block that extends over/past face-up cards.

The newly turned over cards (not including any that were already turned over) are then removed from the table, shuffled, and then returned face down to the line on the table.

If a block of five face-down cards was uncovered to reveal Peter's boat, after the cards are shuffled and returned there is now a block of five face-down cards which everyone knows contains Peter's boat. However, nobody knows which of the five cards is Peter's boat.

The night round then begins. Each player takes it in turn to lay down a petrol bomb token, starting with the player who has just scouted. To lay down a petrol bomb token simply place your petrol bomb token (for those who are reading this while drunk and consequently having difficulty keeping all the terms in their brain, that's the copper coin each player has) onto a face-down card.

Once all the tokens have been laid down, each card covered by a token is revealed (i.e. turned over).

If the card revealed is a boat, then the boat is sunk. If your boat is sunk then you are out of the game.

If the card revealed is the river police, then the player who made that attack misses the next night round (i.e. makes no petrol bomb attacks) due to being on the run from Plod. In addition, if he is the person with the scouting token in the immediately following day round, then he performs no scouting. (Effectively, in that case, play will go straight to a second night round in which he will not participate, followed by the player to his left then performing a day round).

If the card revealed is the paratroopers, the player who made the attack is removed from the game. (His boat is still available to be sunk, but sinking it now has no effect - although there will still be a certain satisfaction).

Once petrol bombed, blank and boat cards are turned face up and will remain face up. The police and paras cards are turned face down again.

At this point people can remember the location of the police and para cards. However, if the next scouting player selects a range to scout that includes them, their location will become more uncertain.

At the conclusion of the night round, the player who has just scouted hands the scouting token to the player sitting to his left, who then takes a day round.

The game is won when only one player remains in the game. If a night round ends with no players in the game, then there is no winner. (All petrol bomb attacks are assumed to have occurred simultaneously, so the order in which the deaths were resolved during the night round is irrelevant).