Why RPG Characters Are Like Real-World Women

"Men sweat, but women perspire." Unknown. "Men shit, but women... apparently don't?" Jonny Nexus, 2000 Do women shit? Now I know you probably clicked on this article expecting a discussion about roleplaying, but hang on, bear with me, I'll get there. Honest. Do women shit? Men do. I mean you know they'll do. They'll pause on the way out of the room and proudly announce: "I'm off for a shit!" They might even gather some reading material (books, magazines etc.) to take with them. They make an event of it. And as well of these close encounters of the third kind (actual contact with someone about to take a shit) there's the second kind encounters too (evidence... smells... left behind). At the place where I work I was once banned from taking a dump in the toilet on that floor, after one unfortunate day where the stench was so bad that it had worked it's way out of the toilet into the hallway beyond. Actually, that wasn't the unfortunate thing. The unfortunate thing was that my boss chose that moment to show a couple of clients round the office. Apparently the stink was so bad that when the lift-doors (elevator-doors) opened, the fumes that rolled in were so strong that they had to drop to the floor. Oops. But enough of my dodgy toilet habits. I figure by now I've probably lost all the casual readers plus ALL the women, and am down to the hardcore male CM fans only. Let's get back onto the subject of women. Do women shit? Well let's look at the evidence. Has a women ever told you that she is going for a shit? No. Has a women ever gone to your toilet and left behind a rather unpleasant smell? No. I mean, if they do go, when do they go? Bloke's disappear to the bog for 15 minutes plus. More if they've got a particularly good book (I mean you're only going to carry on reading the book afterwards, anyhow, so why the hurry to start wiping?) Remember those times when you've just starting going out with a women and you spend every minute in each other's presence? If they were going, you'd know about it right? Or maybe they get up in the middle of the night... But why are RPG characters like women? Because they don't shit either.

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