Fun With Dice

In this article we discuss the various ways in which you can use your gaming dice to either amuse yourself or annoy the hell out of your fellow gamers (which if you're like me is reason enough).

We start with some dice rolling techniques.

Dice Rolling Techniques

The Maracas

This is a good one to start with. It's annoying, but not obviously so, and - when your fellow gamers "ban it" - gives you an opportunity to move onto more obviously annoying techniques.

To do the Maracas simply cap the dice in both hands, and then shake them above your right or left shoulder in the manner shown below.

After several seconds, you should bring your hands down and release the dice in a conventional fashion.

The advantage of this technique, compared with a standard one-handed, above the table roll, is the degree of vigorous shaking that is possible. (WARNING:- If you get a bit too enthusiastic it is possible to give yourself whiplash and strain your neck... I've done this on several occasions).

Development:

Over time you should gradually extend both the degree and the duration of shaking. It is possible to perform several switches from one side of the head to the other within a single roll. Also the shaking - which should be causing your whole body to vibrate - can be accompanied by a closed eye expression of facial anguish.

Exit Strategy:

Eventually (probably when your single-roll duration has reached 30 to 45 seconds) your fellow players will probably announce that this dice roll technique is now banned by house rule. At this point you should accept their judgement gracefully and tell them that you will stop using that rolling technique.

And then move onto "the Wank".

The Wank

The Wank is a good follow-up to the Maracas because it is very different, which allows you to protest that you have changed your technique as requested. Unlike the Maracas, you hold the dice with a single hand, which is held very low, don't take many seconds to make the roll, don't oscillate your body, and have a neutral facial expresion for most of the roll.

To do the Wank, perform the following actions.

Start with the dice loosely cupped in a single hand, with the hand oriented vertically, with the back of the hand facing away from you (as though your hand was gripping a vertical shaft). The hand should be level with your waist, just above the level of the table.

(N.B. You need to be sitting a little bit away from the table).

To perform the roll, move your hand down until it touches your crotch (i.e. below the level of the table) then move it sharply back upward to its starting position. You can repeat this movement a number of times. To release, simply open your hand at the top of the movement. Although your hand will only be a couple of inches above the level of the table, the sharp upward movement should cause the dice to arc up quite high and "plop" down onto the table.

Development:

Development for the Wank is almost entirely involved with the release. There are several enhancements you can do to your release:

a) Arch your body upward at the instant you open your hand to release the die.

b) Emit a sharp grunt as you release.

c) At the instant of release, change your facial expression from neutral / tense to relaxed.

Exit Strategy:

Eventually, when your dice rolling technique has advance to full "money-shot" status, your fellow gamers will probably move to ban this technique as well. They will insist that they just want you to roll the dice, without any theatrics, body movement or sound effects.

Fine... just move onto "the Slap".

The Slap

The Slap is quick, efficient and annoying. Now you must remember how you've arrived at this point. Your fellow gamers are insisting on a quick, no-fuss roll. Well the Slap gives them that and more. In fact, it's too quick, and doesn't have enough fuss.

To do the slap, perform the following actions:

Without looking at the dice, simply pick it up and slap it back down on the table, then simply lift your hand to reveal the "rolled" dice. The trick here is to do it very quickly, without ever looking at the dice.

Now this technique isn't exactly cheating. It will give a different result each time because the dice rolls against your hand as you slap it down.

But it looks really dodgy.

Development:

There isn't really any development of this technique. It's too quick and basic. All you can do is to defend it for long enough by:

a) Pointing out that it generates a random result because the dice rolls against the palm as it is being driven down.

b) Saying: "But you said you wanted me to stop wasting time..?"

Exit Strategy:

At this point you've probably pushed the patience of your gaming group to breaking point, so you'll have to revert to a "standard" rolling technique.

But they didn't say anything about the type of dice you could use.

Funny dice...

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