Pervert: The Flashing

Note: Portions of this text (the step headings and the text in italics) are quoted from the original Critical Miss article and are therefore copyright to the Critical Miss Gaming Society.

Step 1: The Theme Of The Game Is The Character You Play

Pervert.

Step 2: Call It "Something: The Something Else"

Pervert: The Flashing.

Step 3: Set It In A World Almost Like Our Own

Crucial step this. Your NAMG will not be set in a fantasy or future-fantasy setting. It will be set on Earth, either in the present day, or in the near-future.

Okily-dokily.

Except that it's not quite like our Earth. It's close enough that the players will have some familiarity with the setting, but different enough that they will still have to buy "guidebooks" you publish for each geographical area.

Various adult theatres, city parks and public toilets, sexual tourism

On the surface, it is our world, but below it, hidden from the normal people (that's basically everyone who isn't one of the "something") is a parallel society.

Of wankers (Yeah I mean this game, not the pasty faced wankers)

This society has its own rules, its own rulers and its own places.

Ya don't shit where ya eat, "wipe it up, I hate sticky floors", and apparently vibrating the back row of theatres

The members of that society (e.g. the "something") know the real truth of the world. The rest haven't got a fucking clue.

It is fun to get off in public places? Mundanes want to see your unwashed genitalia

Step 4: Have Some Overall "Purpose"

You can't make this too over the top. The players must believe that the characters they are playing are really, really important. The more ludicrous and preposterous the premise, the better. And if you can tie it into existing myth or religion, possibly in some kind of distorted manner, that's even better.

Reich was right, orgones do drive the world!

Step 4a: Contradict The Purpose

Later on, you should bring out other games that are set within the same universe, but whose purpose contradicts the purpose in the original game. (E.g. if the characters in one game are correct in their view of the whys of the universe, then characters in the other game must be wrong).

Born Again: The Moralising.

Step 5: Powerful Nemesis

Linked in with the overall purpose, should be a people or race or entity who are striving against whatever the purpose is.

Decency groups

Step 6: Have Groups / Tribes / Clans / Sects / Guilds Etc.

You should create a number of groupings within the setting, with each character belonging to a single group. The choice of group influences not only the character's role within the setting, but also the personality, abilities and objectives of the character.

Wankers, Touchers, Tactilers (feelers), Leerers, Prophylopeculators (condom stealers).

Step 6a: The Dead Group

There should always be a group who no longer exist, and are now shrouded in myth and legend.

Raincoat flashers.

Step 6b: The Evil Group

There should always be a group (in our example a "lifestyle") who are actively working against the "purpose" described in step 4. (Preferably, they should be working for the enemies described in step 5).

Reformed pervoes (nothing worse than a reformed alcoholic/perv etc.)

Step 7: Extra Powers

The characters - who are after all members of the special race or people - should have more and better abilities than normal people. Basically you want munchkins to be able to just ignore all the "angst" and "purpose" and "moral conflict" built into the setting, and instead power-build combat-monsters.

Massive right arms, able to ejaculate at will.

Step 8: No Advantages Or Disadvantages

Done and done.

Step 10: Use Archaic Terminology

When you are writing your rules, the last thing you must do is call a spade a spade. The thesaurus is your friend. If you want to have an attribute which measures strength, do not call it strength. Instead, find an obscure word, not used in everyday conversation since the 17th century, and use that instead.

velocivista (fast flashing), obfuscostimulous (masturbating surreptitiously).

Step 11: Don't Call The Party, The "Party"

Never call the party, the "party". Think of a posh name to use instead.

Circle Jerk.

Step 12: Catchy Phrases

Come up with some catchy phrases to describe the game, something poetical, possibly from the Keats era.

There once was a man from Nantucket?

Step 13: LARP

At some point release a LARP version...

I AIN'T GOIN' NEAR THIS ONE

using Paper Scissors Stone...

How about first come, first served?

GM: Okay, everyone, it is initiative time (vigorous slapping sounds and grunting)

Player: I won! Anyone got a fag?

Step 14: The T-Shirts

Don't forget to release T-shirts with obscure images from the main book, which by second edition will have the dodgy (but possibly grittier) graphics in it removed and the marketable ones inserted.

I don't think this would do all that well.

Step 15: The Second Edition

And finally, the second edition. Make sure that the first edition includes enough mistakes and limitations that you are able to produce a second edition just a few years after the first.

No Prob.

Return to article...