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Issue 7 Winter 2002      The Magazine for Dysfunctional Roleplayers

Hi all. I'm guessing you've noticed the new look. I figured that after more than three years and six issues it was time for a change. But don't worry. Under the swish new exterior it's still the same sad, immature and puerile Critical Miss that you've come to know and quite like. It is still - and always will be - the stated opinion of this magazine that bad language is both big and clever. We've worked damned hard to create a reputation for irresponsibility, and we don't intend to let that slip now..

Content wise, I had quite a few ideas for this issue of Critical Miss, but most of them were for things that I really couldn't do, like this and this. But in the end, I managed to come up with the usual bundle of crap.

Well that's about it. Here's Issue 7. Hope you like it.

Jonny Nexus, Editor, Critical Miss Magazine.

P.S. Someone told me the other day that medieval style guilds don't exist anymore. Really?


Report The Second Worst Scenario Ever Written?

I wanted a good super-hero game. I chose Aberrant. Good move. I wanted something with easy-to-run prewritten scenarios. I chose Aberrant. Not so good move.

We ask: "Is the mini-campaign included in the Aberrant GamesMaster's screen the second worst scenario ever written?" (The worse was of course a Cyborg Commando scenario). Discuss this article...


Snippet The Players Speak

When the rest of the gang read the first draft of the above article, they gave it a mixed reaction. Bog Boy felt that it was funny, but made them look like "total bastards", whilst Demonic uttered similar thoughts, but chose to replace the word "bastards" with "cunts". Meanwhile Bubba, again thinking it was funny, felt that I'd made a few factual mistakes around the whole "standing up / sitting down spash affair". Now I'm not conceding anything, but I figured it was only fair to give them a chance to put their side of the story. So here it is.

And just to be fair here's a little story to illustrate how staggeringly dense I can be on occasions. Discuss this article...


Report Conception 2002

A group of us went to the Conception 2002 convention in early February. We weren't wildly happy by the end. This is why. Discuss this article...


Guide Surviving The First Session

We've all had campaigns which never make it to the second session. Why is this? I mean we must have wanted to do it, or we wouldn't have started. But sometimes there is some little aspect of the campaign just waiting to derail us... Discuss this article...


Guide Scenario Reward Inflation

We came up with a rather interesting theory about D20 scenarios, to which we assigned the rather snappy title: "the inevitability of scenario reward inflation in a non-monopolistic competitive scenario production environment". (As you might have guessed, we weren't totally serious).

And then we sent off an email containing the theory to around 35 games companies, and amazingly enough some of them replied! So here they are: our original email and the replies. Discuss this article...


Guide The RPG Cliche List

A huge great big grab bad of roleplaying cliches, as outlined by Jason Sartin. Discuss this article...


Fiction Barcode

Barcode is a novel I wrote some years ago, and never managed to do anything with. Rather than leave it to rot on my hard drive, I've decided to let you guys take a look at it. For those of you who've been burned by the Bodyminder story in issue 1, sorry, but I promise that this one's all there. Discuss this article...


Guide How To Write A "New-Age Mythos" Game

So you tried your dream and it sucked horribly, eh? Stop crying. If you want to write a successful roleplaying game then just follow our simple step-by-step checklist.

We've condescended a lifetime of experience playing certain commercially successful roleplaying games into a process simple enough for a chimpanzee to follow. Discuss this article...


Rant Just How Much Is A Gold-Piece Worth?

"Fifteen thousand dollars for a riding dog? Tell me that comes with leather seating and a walnut trim..."

We examine the question of just how much is a gold-piece worth, anyhow? Discuss this article...


Service Forum

As you may or may not know, our chat mailing list was shut down some time ago, and since then there's been no mechanism for our readers to chat amongst themselves (assuming they want to).

Now, one of our readers, Megan, has set up a web forum. More details here. Discuss this article...


Guide 101 Fun Things To Do In A Public Toilet

Yet more fun games and pastimes for you to engage in. Discuss this article...


Free Game Role-Player!

Role-Player! is an exciting game where a player can assume the role of a socially inept outcast, dwelling in an fantasy existence of their own devising, created as an attempt to escape from their own joyless and lonely life...

A free game created by 'The Ear, Nose and Throat of Vecna'. Discuss this article...


Stuff Scare-Wolves

A neat little "thing" that a gamesmaster can throw into a scenario to confuse, confound and perhaps warn the player characters. Discuss this article...


Stuff Weird Features

A few weird bits and pieces to put into scenarios. Discuss this article...


Thought Wasn't The Future Supposed To Be Japanese?

When I was a kid we were all turning Japanese. The 21st century belonged to the East and we in the west were economic history. Doesn't quite look so clear-cut now, does it? Damn, I'm trying hard to be mature here and not get consumed in schadenfreude. Discuss this article...


Gizmos Yet More Cyberware For A Leisure Age

Another collection of totally useless gadgets and cyberware for your cyberpunk character. Discuss this article...


Agony Ask Doctor Bubba

We live in a modern world, full of painful contradictions, and sometimes it's hard just to get by okay. You need good advice. Unfortunately, you chose to write to us. Sucker. Discuss this article...


Guide First Contact Checklist

A simple checklist for any starship captain encountering a species for the first time. Discuss this article...



Well here we are finally, we did say that this one would be out at the end of 2001 but as you can see we slipped again. Oh well it's not like we get paid or anything.

A lot has happened since I last wrote, both ups and downs. On the down side I lost an uncle recently, again taking for granted the ones I have around me. I also ended up redundant as the world started its financial downturn. On the up side I have learnt to be more grateful for the things I have, I have had time to spend with my Family, and most importantly I have found someone special. She is my Friend, my Lover, my Inspiration, my Support, my... the list goes on and on.

All in all Life is good, now if anyone is looking for a webmaster in the London area and thinks they could handle me in the office, you know where to get me...

I say it every issue but some of you still keep missing the links, so if you ain't already done so, check out IMHO, Feedback, Top Ten, Soul Thought and Gaming Records sections, you really don't want to miss some of the best stuff we have. And again if you like what you see and want to know when we publish Issue 8 then just subscribe and we'll get a mail out to ya!

Anyway I'm going to call it a night, think most people will enjoy this issue, well except for the Muppets who organised Conceptions...

Peace Init...

Bubba, Webmaster, Critical Miss Magazine.


Critical Miss Magazine is published four times a year  three times a year when we can be arsed, by the Critical Miss Gaming Society.

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